I am Lili

It was Saturday, and I was in my very happy bubbly self. Then, I heard a news from someone. It's a happy one to some but sadly, it's not for me. Literally, in my head this song came on. So loud and crystal clear.

♫ ♪ "I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? Comin' down on a sunny day!"♪ ♫

I was kind of angry, and just wanted to get away. I don't want to be surrounded with people that doesn't make me happy, and of people who hates me. I am so happy and peaceful of where I am now. Why bring them near me? But if that news was the answer to world hunger, peace, and poverty, then I guess I would be okay with it.

Thank God! It's not. No matter how much I convinced myself that it's nice to help, I just couldn't get the grip on life with them literally near me.

For Pedro's sake, I am Lili, not Mother Teresa!

These people doesn't need our help. In fact, they live more luxuriously than us. Picture this---maids and nannies, kids in private schools, travels abroad, centralized air-conditioned home in a developing country. That's their lifestyle. But the painful and surprising truth behind that front is their colossal credit card debt. It was their choice to live beyond their means, and not mine. Why should I worry about their mountain-high bills?

For the rest of the weekend, I just kept on praying. I hate being in situations like this, especially when you needed to make a decision---a decision that is in every bit an acid rain in my beautiful sunshine.

Then on Sunday, the young lady called me from Philadelphia. I heard her voice about to cry.

"Ma, gisaput ko nako! Nahabilin nako imong camera sa Subway!" (Ma, I am mad at myself . I left your camera at Subway.)

..and when it rains, it pours. First, the my-life-will-change-for-the-worst-of-all-worsts news on Saturday, and now my Leica camera is gone!

I kept thinking. Harder this time. Although it was a gift from the mister, it's just a material thing. I know it would be hard for me to buy another one. The camera and the case is so mahal (expensive)---so mahal that I can't be able to afford them from my own pocket. Thinking about the price of my camera and the photos in it, still I was more upset about the news.

Food was hard to swallow. It was difficult to breath freely. I live happily in Frederick for a long time with family and dear friends near me, and in my very bleak future, it may seem I will be in hell even if I am still in Frederick. "RIP peace!" I said loudly in my head while I was taking my after-dinner walk on Sunday. *big sigh*

It was Monday early morning, and I was still awake. I closed my eyes tight but my mind wouldn't do the same. Grrr. I felt it was a waste of time if I stayed in bed with a very busy mind. I stood up, and went in the kitchen. I baked bread at 2 o'clock in the morning. I made ensaymada bites filled with ube topped with butter, sugar and freshly grated Cheddar cheese.


(Hey, this is what I call my ube-filled ensaydama bites.)

Baking relaxes me. It clears my mind, and it makes me happy too.

By the way, the young lady sent me a message that she got my camera back. Thank you very much to the people who found and returned it. And that news? It's not happening... for now!

YES! ((( PEACE, YOU ARE STILL ALIVE! )))

Thank God!

So, how's your weekend?

P.S. I stopped listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival for now, and switched to listening to old Elton John songs in my daily lunch break bike ride, and in my after dinner walks.  Love this songs, and this and this.