The Unsocial Butterfly

Coming to America was a leap of faith. We didn't have friends, and relatives in Maryland. All we knew was that the mister had a job, and that's the only thing we were sure of.

I honestly didn't want to go with the mister right away, and wanted to stay for another 6 months since I enjoyed my job as a college art instructor at a local university in our city. I was struggling as a new teacher, but I was up for the challenge.

But I had no choice, and resigned before the new school year started in 1998. It would be too selfish and inconsiderate of me not to come with him when it would be his first time coming to this part of the world too. I guess it would be exciting as well to experience new things together.

For many months, it was mainly the mister and me, and our little girl. Although, there were a few occasions where we were invited to parties in Virginia, but I haven't bonded with any of the people I met there. I only talk to a few, and it was always only at the party.

Those first few months, it felt like we were groping in the dark. We didn't even know where to buy mongo beans. Finding ingredients for our Filipino dishes was a dilemma. Didn't even know that mongo is mung bean in America, and is sold in all American groceries in the grain aisle.

Imagine eating fried fish without Silver Swan soy sauce mixed with Datu Puti white vinegar as a dipping sauce? That meal came up short!

We celebrated our first white Christmas and New Year together just the 3 of us. The neighborhood we lived in was eerily quiet--a polar opposite of how the holidays was celebrated in the Philippines.

That was sad!

In the coming months, the feeling turned homey and comfortable. That was because there were more Filipino families in the company. Many of them became our neighbors.

I felt adjusted because we weren't alone. Not anymore.

Those were the days when we were fresh off the boat.

Two decades later, a number of those Filipinos left the company. Some moved to different states. Some of them I lost contact with, but a number of them have remained friends with us.

Four weeks ago, I don't know why but I was overjoyed when I saw several of Leo and the mister's former colleagues, together with their wives who came for Tita Mila's funeral services. I genuinely admired them for being there.

You know those people who make time to sympathize when a former colleague and a friend is in mourning, that's admirable. These people can just send their messages over the phone or through emails, but no, they didn't. They allotted their precious time to be there.

Janet, Fe, and I
(the wives of  the mister's former colleagues
on August 16 after Tita Mila's funeral service)

These are people that I have not seen for years. When they were with the company, I used to see them in company events twice a year.

I was so glad we had a chance to chit chat, and most of all I am extremely happy where they are in their lives now.

Some of those Filipino families that we met earlier in America have became very close towards each other, and created a close-knit group. However, the mister and I created our own group. It's just him and me and our kids.

This is maybe because I can honestly say that I immensely love my own company, and that I am okay not in a group. I love being at home lost in a book, enjoying a movie, alone in my garden, or studying and taking notes for new recipes to try. I honestly don't feel bad when I am not invited to parties--I don't have to make and bake food to bring, and don't have to find something to wear.

I think I am a floater. I can enjoy the company of others, and I hope they also love mine, but not necessarily an active member of a barkadahan (clique). Just like a butterfly, but is perfectly fine without socializing.

But early this week, I learned that I became an honorary member of a core group. I didn't apply. They just embraced me, and it caught me by surprise.

Hihihihi. This is a first.