I was at a party recently. I don't normally go to most gatherings that we are invited to, but I always consider a few exceptions.
At the party, one lady was happily sharing to another that she now owns a Louis Vuitton bag. Her son gave it to her. To be honest about it, she asked for it. Hehehe. Well, actually she gave him hints for a long time until he gave in.
Another lady who sat nearby said out loud that she also needs to remind her son about a Louis Vuitton bag because she'll be celebrating a milestone birthday in a couple of weeks.
I don't know if this is Filipino behavior, but I have heard parents strongly suggesting for their children to give their first paycheck to their parents. Some even asked their working children to remit paychecks until they get married. Some just ask for expensive gifts, cruise trips, or an all expenses paid vacation abroad.
I was asked, not at this particular party, what I wanted from my daughter since the young lady is earning very well already.
"I'm different than most. I don't want to ask anything that involves spending money. I don't want anything luxury. I just don't want any of my children to spend things that honestly aren't a need for me. All I really want from them aren't material. Now that they're older, and independent, I just want them to be nicer, to be kinder, to be more considerate and accepting, and to be more giving. I want them to treat all of the people they meet along their journey right. I want them to nurture relationships that matter. I will not be in control of all their actions and decisions outside our home, but I just simply want them to embody that they were nurtured by great parents. That is all I want from them. Then that for me, even just a stay-at-home mother, and even without having a career, I am genuinely successful."
Mao ra gud pod ang akong gusto. (That's all I really want.)
Monday, August 26, 2019
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
In Memoriam: Tita Mila (Part 2)
After half of a century, she finally found her best friend, plus there was an added bonus. Fely introduced Tita Mila to her best friend too.
She has been talking to her new best friend on the phone for almost a year. She makes her laugh. She sings to her on the phone. They could talk nonstop until the batteries on their wireless landline phones ran out.
While she was describing her new best friend, my heart started pounding.
Yes! I know that there are close to 8 billion people in the world, but I had to ask. Seems like I knew someone just like her new best friend.
"What's your new best friend's name, Tita?"
"Nanie!"
I was running out of breath. Literally. I had to catch up with it just to ask her again.
"What's her last name, Tita?"
"Lawson. Flaviana Lawson!"
Oh my gawd!
"AKO MAN NG MAMA, TITA!" (That's my mother, Tita!)
Three pairs of eyes lit up. Imagine learning for the first time that my mother's new best friend is someone I personally knew. I mean, her new best friend carried me for 9 months, and 'hatched' me. Hehehe.
Living in two different islands in the Philippines, and living on opposite ends of America, the universe still lead them to each other.
I remember Jimmy's question earlier about Tita Fely's last name. So, I blurted it out....
"Fely Oculam!" She's my mother's best friend in California.
"She's our supplier!" Jimmy was so surprised too.
The universe lead us all three in that living room for her to share us about her best friends.
That was nothing, but a miracle.
Don't you think?
I knew calling each other best friends wasn't just casual, and it was serious when the following year, November of 2003, the mister and I had a major fight. We were supposed to attend a company anniversary celebration in Washington D.C., but cancelled at the last minute. We were fuming mad at each other. Taking our human cubs with me, I had to go away and slept overnight at a friend's house. It was that bad.
The following morning, I called my mother, but I did it after the conflict was resolved.
In early December of that same year, there was a party. Tita Mila grabbed me the moment she had a chance, and gently lead me to a quieter place in the house. She asked discreetly,
"Kumusta na man imong love life?" (How is your love life?)
Hahaha. That caught me off guard. Those were also the exact words I heard my mother ask a few days earlier.
"Be patient. Maldita ra ba jud ka. You have a great family, ug kabuotan ni Jay o!" (Be patient. You're naughty and bad. You have a great family, and Jay is a good man.)
In simple words, I am the evil one. Jay is the holier one. That's not new to me. I also heard that from my parents and siblings.
The words of my mother echoed through Tita Mila. That was when I realized that they do really talk constantly. She truly values her friendship with my mother by also respecting me with her understand that it was a topic that should be discussed privately. That was also when I realized she cared for me and my family.
I already knew that I was maldita, it wasn't easy but I have changed. I am semi-retired now. Hihihihi.
In 2004, when we visited my mother in California, when I entered her house, there I saw a small framed photo of Tita Mila on a side table by the door in her living room.
She knew so much about my mother. She knew about a jewelry set my mother gave me even before it was given. She knew how much my mother inherited from my step father. She also knew about her businesses in the Philippines.
One time, I was asked about my mother's business, but I didn't have a definite answer. My mother was in the Philippines at that time, and contacting her wasn't easy, so I asked Tita Mila about it. I knew she's a reliable source.
And my mother also knew a lot about her, but I wasn't shared so much information about it. I can only say that I knew who among her three children gave her the least headache. *wink. *wink.
Tita Mila was 4 of my first customers when I started selling vintage goods online in 2007. She bought a woven Etienne Aigner shoulder bag trimmed in mahogany leather, new without tag. I wanted to give it to her as a gift, but she insisted on paying. So, I told her to pay me $0.50, the exact price I paid it for at a yard sale.
She gave me a dollar and jokingly told me, "Keep the change!"
Hahahaha.
By the way, three of my customers paid. One didn't. But Tita Mila was the only one who gave me my first profit--a 100% profit.
It has been close to 20 years since she became best friends with my mother, but they never had a chance yet to personally see each other. They have been best friends only over the phone.
This year is supposed to be the year that they'd finally meet. Tita Mila is coming home to Cebu in March, and my mother will follow in June.
But at the first quarter of this year, 2019, although it wasn't known to everyone, my mother told me that she was diagnosed with a debilitating disease. Tita Mila's trip to Cebu was cancelled.
Yna came home one weekend to go with us to visit her on the first weekend of April. My children never grew up with any grandparents physically near us, but there's always Lola Mila.
She lost weight already when we came to see her. Her light was uncertain. It was flickering.
She looked frail and weak, but she was still very chatty. Of course, we talked about my mother.
We were at their house from 4:30 pm til past 2 am. At around 1 am, she woke up and asked a friend to check on my kids, and to give them pillows and blankets.
That was Tita Mila.
She was frank, and sometimes tactless. She liked who she liked. She's not perfect like the rest of us, but she was who she was-- a great mother, a grandmother, a sister, and a friend.
It's a big world, and those that you met along your journey are considered a miracle. Some relationships grow, and some get dissolved. But those who stayed take a bigger part of that chapter in your life story.
Thank you, Tita Mila. Meeting you was totally like your name, Milagros. It was indeed nothing, but a miracle. I will forever miss you.
Rest in peace.
This song was Tita Mila and my mother's theme song. She would always request my mother to sing it to her on the phone. My mother sang it to her last June before she left to the Philippines. I have not heard this song until my mother sang it to me on the phone this morning when we talked about Tita Mila's passing.
Related Post:
* A Memoriam: Tita Mila
* A Celebration I Couldn't Miss
She has been talking to her new best friend on the phone for almost a year. She makes her laugh. She sings to her on the phone. They could talk nonstop until the batteries on their wireless landline phones ran out.
While she was describing her new best friend, my heart started pounding.
Yes! I know that there are close to 8 billion people in the world, but I had to ask. Seems like I knew someone just like her new best friend.
"What's your new best friend's name, Tita?"
"Nanie!"
I was running out of breath. Literally. I had to catch up with it just to ask her again.
"What's her last name, Tita?"
"Lawson. Flaviana Lawson!"
Oh my gawd!
"AKO MAN NG MAMA, TITA!" (That's my mother, Tita!)
Three pairs of eyes lit up. Imagine learning for the first time that my mother's new best friend is someone I personally knew. I mean, her new best friend carried me for 9 months, and 'hatched' me. Hehehe.
Living in two different islands in the Philippines, and living on opposite ends of America, the universe still lead them to each other.
I remember Jimmy's question earlier about Tita Fely's last name. So, I blurted it out....
"Fely Oculam!" She's my mother's best friend in California.
"She's our supplier!" Jimmy was so surprised too.
The universe lead us all three in that living room for her to share us about her best friends.
That was nothing, but a miracle.
Don't you think?
 |
| My mother (in printed top) and Tita Fely 2015, at the funeral service of my step father |
I knew calling each other best friends wasn't just casual, and it was serious when the following year, November of 2003, the mister and I had a major fight. We were supposed to attend a company anniversary celebration in Washington D.C., but cancelled at the last minute. We were fuming mad at each other. Taking our human cubs with me, I had to go away and slept overnight at a friend's house. It was that bad.
The following morning, I called my mother, but I did it after the conflict was resolved.
In early December of that same year, there was a party. Tita Mila grabbed me the moment she had a chance, and gently lead me to a quieter place in the house. She asked discreetly,
"Kumusta na man imong love life?" (How is your love life?)
Hahaha. That caught me off guard. Those were also the exact words I heard my mother ask a few days earlier.
"Be patient. Maldita ra ba jud ka. You have a great family, ug kabuotan ni Jay o!" (Be patient. You're naughty and bad. You have a great family, and Jay is a good man.)
In simple words, I am the evil one. Jay is the holier one. That's not new to me. I also heard that from my parents and siblings.
The words of my mother echoed through Tita Mila. That was when I realized that they do really talk constantly. She truly values her friendship with my mother by also respecting me with her understand that it was a topic that should be discussed privately. That was also when I realized she cared for me and my family.
I already knew that I was maldita, it wasn't easy but I have changed. I am semi-retired now. Hihihihi.
In 2004, when we visited my mother in California, when I entered her house, there I saw a small framed photo of Tita Mila on a side table by the door in her living room.
She knew so much about my mother. She knew about a jewelry set my mother gave me even before it was given. She knew how much my mother inherited from my step father. She also knew about her businesses in the Philippines.
One time, I was asked about my mother's business, but I didn't have a definite answer. My mother was in the Philippines at that time, and contacting her wasn't easy, so I asked Tita Mila about it. I knew she's a reliable source.
And my mother also knew a lot about her, but I wasn't shared so much information about it. I can only say that I knew who among her three children gave her the least headache. *wink. *wink.
Tita Mila was 4 of my first customers when I started selling vintage goods online in 2007. She bought a woven Etienne Aigner shoulder bag trimmed in mahogany leather, new without tag. I wanted to give it to her as a gift, but she insisted on paying. So, I told her to pay me $0.50, the exact price I paid it for at a yard sale.
She gave me a dollar and jokingly told me, "Keep the change!"
Hahahaha.
By the way, three of my customers paid. One didn't. But Tita Mila was the only one who gave me my first profit--a 100% profit.
It has been close to 20 years since she became best friends with my mother, but they never had a chance yet to personally see each other. They have been best friends only over the phone.
This year is supposed to be the year that they'd finally meet. Tita Mila is coming home to Cebu in March, and my mother will follow in June.
But at the first quarter of this year, 2019, although it wasn't known to everyone, my mother told me that she was diagnosed with a debilitating disease. Tita Mila's trip to Cebu was cancelled.
Yna came home one weekend to go with us to visit her on the first weekend of April. My children never grew up with any grandparents physically near us, but there's always Lola Mila.
 |
| my human cubs and the Queen c. Nov. 2016 |
 |
| Thanksgiving 2016 |
She lost weight already when we came to see her. Her light was uncertain. It was flickering.
She looked frail and weak, but she was still very chatty. Of course, we talked about my mother.
We were at their house from 4:30 pm til past 2 am. At around 1 am, she woke up and asked a friend to check on my kids, and to give them pillows and blankets.
That was Tita Mila.
She was frank, and sometimes tactless. She liked who she liked. She's not perfect like the rest of us, but she was who she was-- a great mother, a grandmother, a sister, and a friend.
 |
| Thanksgiving 2016 |
 |
| Lili & the Queen Thanksgiving 2016 |
It's a big world, and those that you met along your journey are considered a miracle. Some relationships grow, and some get dissolved. But those who stayed take a bigger part of that chapter in your life story.
Thank you, Tita Mila. Meeting you was totally like your name, Milagros. It was indeed nothing, but a miracle. I will forever miss you.
Rest in peace.
This song was Tita Mila and my mother's theme song. She would always request my mother to sing it to her on the phone. My mother sang it to her last June before she left to the Philippines. I have not heard this song until my mother sang it to me on the phone this morning when we talked about Tita Mila's passing.
Related Post:
* A Memoriam: Tita Mila
* A Celebration I Couldn't Miss
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
In Memoriam: Tita Mila
This post has been in my draft for over a year. I was telling about this story to my siblings, and they asked me to share it here. I think, this time is the most appropriate to publish this story.
Fresh off the boat in 1998, the first family who welcomed us from the Philippines to Maryland was the Montalbans. They do not actually live in the same state as us, but in Virginia.
We were complete strangers. We don't even have common friends. We only met them here. Leo mostly picked newly hired Filipinos at the airport. He even picked up my daughter and me at the BWI. Jay flew a month ahead in Maryland to start work right away while my daughter and I stayed for a month in California to spend time with my side of the family.
He took us with them to our first Filipino gathering hosted by the Sandiegos, also in Virginia.
Leo Montalban is the mister's Filipino colleague, and has been in the company for a long time. As I said in a previous post, he was the reason that a lot of Filipinos were hired from the Philippines in the 90s.
He would keep us in mind in these Filipino parties. Although I was really shy and kind of hesitant on going every time, I still did. The Montalban matriarch, Tita Mila is actually very warm and welcoming.
At Leo and the mister's company overnight events, Tita Mila would always offer to look after our human cubs so we could join with all the couples in these bi-annual office gatherings. It was very tempting, but I would always decline. It was my decision as a mother to go when my children were of the right age.
4th of July in 2002, at a party in Virginia hosted by Jojo and Dogging Sandiego, Jimmy, another Filipino dear friend, Tita Mila, and I were all seated at the living room after dinner while most of the people were in the garage or outside.
"Dugaya na gyud nakong pinangita sa akong best friend sa college." (It's been so long since I have been trying to find my best friend from college.)
She showed us a faded black and white photo of two ladies. Both had soft curly combed hair, donning beautiful 1950s fashion---short sleeve button down shirts tucked in full skirts worn with belts, and small framed purses on one hand.
She passed the photo to Jimmy. "Kani ang akong amiga nga si Fely" (This is my friend named Fely.), pointing to the lady beside her.
He flipped the photo and checked writings on the back, and he asked where Fely was from. His family was an importer for native products from Bohol, and he said their supplier was named Fely.
Fely is from Bohol like me, she replied, but unfortunately she didn't remember what part of Bohol she was exactly from, but she added that she's Chinese.
Her last name was completely unfamiliar to me, Fely Chin. I tried to recall my mother's friends, and their friends, but it didn't ring a bell at all.
She said she prayed fervently for so long to find her.
"Ang Ginoo gyud no motubag gyud sa mga pag-ampo, ug gihatagan pa gyud ko ug bonus!" ( God really answers prayers, and plus He gave me a bonus.)
To be continued.
Related Post:
* A Memoriam: Tita Mila (Part 2)
* A Celebration I Couldn't Miss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were complete strangers. We don't even have common friends. We only met them here. Leo mostly picked newly hired Filipinos at the airport. He even picked up my daughter and me at the BWI. Jay flew a month ahead in Maryland to start work right away while my daughter and I stayed for a month in California to spend time with my side of the family.
He took us with them to our first Filipino gathering hosted by the Sandiegos, also in Virginia.
Leo Montalban is the mister's Filipino colleague, and has been in the company for a long time. As I said in a previous post, he was the reason that a lot of Filipinos were hired from the Philippines in the 90s.
He would keep us in mind in these Filipino parties. Although I was really shy and kind of hesitant on going every time, I still did. The Montalban matriarch, Tita Mila is actually very warm and welcoming.
At Leo and the mister's company overnight events, Tita Mila would always offer to look after our human cubs so we could join with all the couples in these bi-annual office gatherings. It was very tempting, but I would always decline. It was my decision as a mother to go when my children were of the right age.
 |
| Lili & the Queen c. 2009 |
4th of July in 2002, at a party in Virginia hosted by Jojo and Dogging Sandiego, Jimmy, another Filipino dear friend, Tita Mila, and I were all seated at the living room after dinner while most of the people were in the garage or outside.
"Dugaya na gyud nakong pinangita sa akong best friend sa college." (It's been so long since I have been trying to find my best friend from college.)
She showed us a faded black and white photo of two ladies. Both had soft curly combed hair, donning beautiful 1950s fashion---short sleeve button down shirts tucked in full skirts worn with belts, and small framed purses on one hand.
She passed the photo to Jimmy. "Kani ang akong amiga nga si Fely" (This is my friend named Fely.), pointing to the lady beside her.
He flipped the photo and checked writings on the back, and he asked where Fely was from. His family was an importer for native products from Bohol, and he said their supplier was named Fely.
Fely is from Bohol like me, she replied, but unfortunately she didn't remember what part of Bohol she was exactly from, but she added that she's Chinese.
Her last name was completely unfamiliar to me, Fely Chin. I tried to recall my mother's friends, and their friends, but it didn't ring a bell at all.
She said she prayed fervently for so long to find her.
"Ang Ginoo gyud no motubag gyud sa mga pag-ampo, ug gihatagan pa gyud ko ug bonus!" ( God really answers prayers, and plus He gave me a bonus.)
To be continued.
Related Post:
* A Memoriam: Tita Mila (Part 2)
* A Celebration I Couldn't Miss
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