Mama Benden

She's not my mother, but my siblings and I call her Mama. She's our grand aunt, my mother's auntie. She's married to my maternal grandmother's younger brother.

Part of my childhood was living in the barrio with our maternal grandparents. Their house was just  across Mama Benden's. Some of her children are closer to our age than to my mother.

From tales of my nanny as a baby in 1972, I cried a lot to the extent that I'd hold my breath for a long time. My nanny, Mamay Luz would panic and take me in hysteria across the street to our Mama Benden.

She would take me in her arms, and breast fed me to calm me down, and lull me to sleep. My mother was an elementary public school teacher at that time. Mama Benden, a stay at home mom, has a daughter too whom she was breastfeeding. She's just three months older than me.

As a child and a teener, my nanny who also became my little sister's would always say...

"No wonder you cried a lot as a baby, you'd be singer!"

Hehehe. I loved to sing growing up. I didn't care if singing didn't love me back.

Back to our Mama Benden, she was always nice. I never remembered her rude, or uncharitable. She was always warm and welcoming. Not because she's gone that I'm writing this, but honestly, that is the truth. That was how I personally know and remember her.

I did remember the first time I brought Jay to their house, she was so excited and happy. Way too happy than my grand mother. I think my grandma was just too protective of me and was too skeptical of Jay's love and sincerity towards me. I guess that was just her because she's like that to all of our friends as well.

What I would always remember about Mama Benden most was when in 1995 she came to my parents' house first thing in the morning to check on me. I was still asleep when she came. She sat at the foot of my bed, and waited until I woke up. That was what our house help, Nanay Titang told me. The moment I opened my eyes, I instantly saw how concerned she was.

She heard a rumor about me. It was bad. I didn't know about it until she told me. She cried. She  overheard about it while riding a crowded bus going to the city. Most stories in a little village would spread like wildfire. That was what happened.

But I understood now that it was just a misunderstanding and that some people come into unfounded conclusions. By the way, I hated the people that spread the rumor, but that changed when I proved them wrong.

Every time I thought of that moment when she came to check on me, I'd cry. I felt love. I felt care.

...and even in my adulthood, at 22, she came for me. Not to cradle me in her arms, to feed me, to calm and lull me to sleep but to check on me, to comfort me, and to assure me that she was there when she felt I was in distress, and alone. At that time, both of my parents and two of my older siblings were working abroad. It was just our house help and my little sister. And her presence made a huge difference.

She came to visit us here in Maryland with my grand uncle, Papa Pedring and her daughter's family in 2007. I told her about her assurance of love to me in 1995, and the impact it did in my life. I was able to express my deepest gratitude to her.


(All Photos credit to her daughter, Rhoda)

 I am thankful I was given that chance to personally tell her.

Today, she left the physical world. She was 84.

Rest in peace, Mama Benden. I love you, and I know that you know that already.